Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The Parable of the Sower

The vast land of Cambodia...
for the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few...

Pray that the Lord will use you as an instrument to bless this kingdom...
of Cambodia
.


How long will Cambodia last in my heart?

Will the things of life and this world take over its' place?

Will I continue to hold Cambodia in my heart as long as I am still alive?

Will I just be holding it in my heart and do nothing?

Will I be able to meet the needs of Cambodia?

Will I be a fire that burns hotter or charcoal that soon died off?

Will I be able to trust God that when He calls, He will also equip...despite how little I have?

Where would my seeds fall?

May it not fall along the pathway that look but do not see and have no heart at all.

May it not fall among the rocky ground that shakes as soon as faced up with challenges and hardships in life.

May it not fall among thorn bushes that allows the greed, richness, power and fame to overshadow the heart for Cambodia.

BUT... May it fall among the good soil that hears the call and will answer it; and persevere till it bears good fruit.

Your death shall not be as wasteful as it seems to be...
but it shall be the start of a victorious entry into a greater Kingdom...
the Kingdom of God...


Monday, September 28, 2009

Memories Remain..

Work had started today but my mind is still very much on Cambodia and C3.

Focusing is difficult but things still needed to be done...so...just do it.

Reports and views had been written...and it had been very encouraging to hear...errr...read people's point of view.

As Sarawak is very much part of my heart...so does Cambodia and also the Philippines.

Needs are just everywhere....wherever you go....you will see...SEE...needs....


I will answer the call...as far as possible....

Let me share with you a chorus of a hymns....which I am so afraid to sing but yet when I sing, I really really mean it...with all my heart and soul....

Here I am, Lord
Is it I, Lord

I have heard You calling in the night

I will go, Lord

If You lead me

I will hold Your people in my heart.


...but when reality strikes...I lost my faith...I become afraid...

...but I know, when He calls...He shall equip...



In my mind...I can't stop visualizing the life in Cambodia...the people...the traffic....the language...the smiles....the children....the poverty....the lack of basic things in life...the transportation...the beauty...the suffering of the past....the cries from the grave....the cruelness and heartlessness of the Pol Pot regime....


I shall be back....
I shall be back....
One fine day...

"I shall hold Your people (Cambodians) in my heart..."

as much as...

"I shall hold Your people (indigenous of Sarawak) in my heart..."

and ...

"I shall hold Your people (the differently able) in my heart..."





Sunday, September 27, 2009

It's Over

The journey begins

Camp Boh Dia had finally arrived and gone.

I'm so glad I went for this trip. It was not at all a difficult trip. Everything went on so well and smooth. Perfect place to stay and food was more than enough.


This trip was different from all the other mission trips that I went before. I had no contacts at all with children....just teachers and more teachers and students and in general, the Camp Boh Dians.

The future of Camp Boh Dia

I love looking at life passing by me. Anywhere I go, I love looking at people, what they wear, what they do, what they talk (even though I could hardly understand a word they said), how they live, where they stay, what they eat...and everything else that makes them, them. A unique creation of God.

The crossing to our hostel

Hey...let me share out what's in my "brain" before I forget about it.

1. God prepares everything even before we knew anything about it.

This trip was possible for me because He made me born in KT where I would attend AJPC (that's my home church) and meet ibu, which later became a TCF staffworker, where I became a life member and later on, God led me into teaching ministry, which involves very much with TCF and to cut the whole story short, was invited to join this TCF exco retreat which I am not even an exco member. Haha....what a priviledge He had given me among the "giants". I am so blessed.

The street in Phnom Penh

This trip was prepared by God when He created ties between us and the Choo's, our dear Esther Ding and Dr C Thorn and also her husband who happens to work in the airport in Phnom Penh (he had been a great help to us).

This is what I mean...a close up with the villages..taken from the pony cart ride.

2. Life of Camp Boh Dians

Time is slow moving in Camp Boh Dia. People seems to live a very simple and slow life, minus the rich people. Their living conditions are very poor but you don't see the sadness in thier eyes. It's their way of life...they seems to be happy with whatever they have, how little it might be, they are contented. The pony cart ride was a close up to their lives from my sight. We were almost at the same level with them. Children were shouting happily as we passed by...adults were just watching as if it's a norm but friendly enough to reply our greetings. Animals were almost everywhere minding their own business. What attracted me most was the smiling face of one of the pony cart drivers. He seems to be so happy giving us the service. He never stops smilling. It was a pleasent ride just by seeing him.

The pony cart driver who was always smilling...
not forgetting the ones on it ...they were smilling all the way as well...haha

Through the windows of the bus, I see lives moving passed me. I see people everywhere. The more I see them, they more I see the similarity between us and them. There were not much differences between them and our Bumiputera's. They look alike. It was only their language that separates them with us.

The prison...where the downfall of Camp Boh Dia began

3. The museum and killing fields

This is where I could never understand human. Why are we so selfish, so cruel, so inhuman, so heartless, so blind....so horrible??? How could you do what you did? I wish you could see with your hearts....the fear in their eyes, the cries of their hearts and soul...your very own people. Might even be your flesh and blood. Who knows? But...I could see that some of them did not have this fear...but they died with dignity...their eyes showed that they know they did no wrong and they are dying for their people...for their country...although it was actually a wasteful death.

All had happened....that was the past. The present and the future lies with us and all human race. What can we do to help them build up this nations?

Killing fields...peaceful & green...but filled with the cries of souls...



Friday, September 18, 2009

It's Tomorrow

Hari yang dinanti-nantikan semakin dekat...

Begitu dekat sehingga aku dapat menghidu segala suasananya...

Debaran semakin dapat kurasai...

Jantungku tak berhenti berdegup...

Dengan penuh debaran dan kegirangan...

Satu perasaan yang bercampur baur...

Tak dapat kuterangkan dengan kata-kata...

Hanya Tuhan sahaja yang tahu...

Doa sahaja yang dapat kulakukan...

Bagi menenangkan hatiku dan jiwaku...

Ker'na Tuhan sentiasa ada bersamaku...

Dalam susah dan senang...

Kini aku akan pergi...

Dengan hati yang berkobar-kobar...

Demi kasih Tuhanku...

Demi masyarakat Cambodia...

Akhirnya...

Nama Tuhan juga yang akan dimuliakan...

Di atas segala-galanya...

Amin.





Thursday, September 17, 2009

Or NEVER!!!

I just have one thing to say....


I'm NERVOUS!!!

I feel that I am not ready...

I have this feeling of not doing what I have come up with....it looks so stupid....so childish...

I have the tendencies to just "throw the whole thing into the store room"...

I enjoyed the process of coming up with stuff but not the presentation part...I'm horrible at it.

Why am I feeling like this?

It's all because.....

I'm NERVOUS!!!!!!


Wednesday, September 16, 2009

It's Now!

Tiger's Child...I'm into chapter fourteen. Slowing down because I do not have the time to sit down and read. I'm curious what will happen in this story. It's not a novel, ok. It's a real life event. I love this kind of book.

Camp Boh Dia....I'm very busy. Getting ready all the stuff to share. I hate being a last minute person but the fact is, I am. So, I've been burning midnight oil since last night and trusting that He will keep me healthy. I need a good rest actually. It's ok. I'll rest on Friday night in C3.

I AM STILL NERVOUS...What more when TCF chairman mentioned that, "We are among the 'giants'.." Whoa...means they will be evaluating us on whatever we are doing and sharing there. Stressed.

Partly I am still quite lost although I know what to come up with but not 100% sure about what I will be doing..e.g. will it be appropriate? too simple? too childish? AND always having this thoughts that others will be doing better than us thinking...haha

No matter what. Things need to get done whether I like it or not. I'm trusting fully on God right now.

I must remember that I'm doing these for His sake and not for anyone. All glories will eventually goes to Him...

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Sooner Than I Think

Finally!!!! I've finished ONE CHILD and now getting on the next book....TIGER'S CHILD, the sequel to ONE CHILD. I'm fast...already in chapter eleven in just less than a hour (ok ok...slow for speed reader...told you...I'm a tortoise in reading).



Guess what? I actually cried reading the ending of ONE CHILD and the beginning of TIGER'S CHILD. Oh boy, it really touches my heart. Could I be a teacher like Torey?

I can't wait to finish reading what's next....

Ok...now back to Camp Boh Dia "mission" trip...

I'M NERVOUS!!!!!

There's so much to do within this 4 days. Need to get ready testimony, talk about teaching, school and me and the most challenging....prepare teaching stuff to share with them. Whoa...that's very very challenging to me. So far...I have nothing specific in my mind. I have done nothing special and great in my teaching...just normal stuff which believes in "practice makes perfect".

Sharing...like always...I'm depending fully on the Holy Spirit.

I'M NERVOUS!!!!!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

09.09.09

What a date....! But personally I would prefer 20.09.2009.

Everyone is going 'hooha' about this date. Everyone wants to get married on this date. Maybe even giving birth on this date...haha.... If not by nature...then by Sec-C.

So, what's so great about this very date? It's actually just a number that will never occur again on earth if the date system remained the same. Nothing special...it's just another day...just like any other day EXCEPT more challenging and exciting because well, I am serving the Lord. It has to be.

Raya holiday is approaching soon....real soon and help, I'm not 100% ready for my trip to Camp Boh Dear...

Spiritually trying to get myself focus 100% on God alone. Trying to fast and pray. Trying to get in tune with God's heart. Where am I? Still quite far from my target. Will I be able to get what I desire in Camp Boh Dear? Oh God, give me the chance, even though I have no idea what I should be doing but my heart goes out for them...them... Quick! Ask me "WHO?"....haha

Emotionally trying to get myself stabilize and not be burden by the things of this world and my past. Got to be able to think wisely and sanely. I do go insane once in a while, just for the sake of getting the stress off me.

Physically trying to continue getting fit for the adventure to come. With only 3 young ones and no man at all for the trip, I'm expecting US to help the aunties...oppss....cikgu-cikgu to carry stuff. Not that they can't but at least ease off their burden a little. Let them concentrate on more serious stuff like the planning to meet teachers and so on (things which I have no idea what they want to).

Intellectually....errr....do I need it? Haha.... I'm just doing my reading...gaining knowledge and getting motivation from others. I'll pray on this part because I don't think I am doing anything concerning intellectuality. What is it actually, huh? Complicated stuff for a non-complicated person....ME.

PS: I am going goody giddy gaddy over the smell of the paint...it's making my head 'spin'.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Rainy Days...

Life is back to normal...work is beginning to pile up.

Brain is beginning to work extra hard.

Stomach is getting less food and thus, the whole body is getting less too of everything...but the muscles are gaining and strengthen.

"Pockets" are as normal...getting empty each day...only waiting to be filled again end of the month.

Emotions are getting unstable but still under controlled and soon, it shall be stabilized because age is catching up, where you don't really care about small tiny little things anymore.

Heart......................it is still beating.....for Christ.

Mind....................dreaming of the next holiday.

Soul.......................still won by One and sorry S.A.Tan, it's SOLD!

Some bit of nonsense and here's more....my next reading....

I'm not a bookworm for your info....but I want to turn myself into one....
I am a slow..."tortoise" reader....but do you know that tortoise can run quite fast? (if it wants to...)
Now....that's me....here are the books....

I've mentioned many times about this favourite author of mine...Torey Hayden.
This is her 6th book I'm reading...in less than a year.
A record for me....in my whole life history.


I'm in the special education but I've never really know what is this ABA thing...
I've decided to do a little study on my own to widen my knowledge in Special Education.
This is my 2nd book in the process of expanding my brain.
The 1st???

.....................Drum roll.....................


Watch out for the next episode.....