Fly Away

Countdown...

13 days to Cambodia Mission

22 days to Pa Adang Mission

32 days to balik kampung

57 days to new school year

125 days to a change of digits

Everything is getting closer and the nervous feeling is increasing too. Sadly, preparation is not increasing, still waiting for my next instruction. Anyway, it shall be done sooner or later, even if it means burning midnight oil.

Yesterday, everyone was so anxious to find out whether they will get their transfer or not. I was anxious as well even though I know I will not be getting my transfer....because....I never asked for it...lol. I was just being busybody for my friends. It's sad to see friends go and we still stay, only to make new friends. Finally, after an anxious morning where the server was down, everyone got their unofficial answers to their waiting. Some were happy to get it and some were very sad not getting it. I could feel their joy and I could feel their sadness. These are all parts and parcels of life.

I am still dreaming and thinking of the day when it shall be my turn to fill in the application form. I believed God had answered my prayers on how many more years I should remain here. Could I survive that period of time? Well, do I have any choice than to TRUST & OBEY? I wonder where's next He wants me to go....very anxious to know but hmm...this Father of mine will never tell me things, always asking me to "Wait... Be patient... I will show when the time is nearer... Just trust Me... etc... ".

hold on unto our Father's hand and never let it go

I am so priviledge to have such a close relationship with my Father. People laughed at me when I tell them, "God told me....God said... God didn't say anything yet.. etc". They just could not believe than men and God can have a really really close relationship. I have no explanation to them who laughed at me. To believe it or not, it's not my choice and definitely I can't force anyone to believe me. All I know, God spoke to me just like a Father and daughter except, ok...not in voices....but in my brain.

hands of our Father always holding us as we walk this route of life

When I 1st had that type of someone telling me stuff in my brain, I doubted it myself because well, the Satan could play tricks on me too and maybe it's just my own thinking. I doubted it no more when after a few times, what was told to me came through. So, how do I know who's "voices" is it? This is not easy...sometimes it is my own thinking, sometimes it's the enemy and sometimes it is God. That's when discernment comes in. As time goes by, by experience and building an intimate relationship with Father, you will know because you will always be in tune with Him. You will know His was of thinking and ... you experience it yourself... I have no detail explanation for it.

Our Father is such a wonderful Father if you really know Him. He's the best I had in my life. Human can fail us but He never. It's us who fail Him and yet, did He turn His face away from us? NO! He is so patient enough to layan our kerenah and always wanting the best for us, His children. How His heart longs for all His children to know Him and to come back to Him. Get to know His heart and you will never ever live one day for yourself again but YOU WILL LIVE EVERYDAY FOR HIM and you will go all the way out to reach out to as many as you can, whatever way He asked you. Your life will never be the same anymore.

"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good... before you decide to reject Him"

*There's only one thing I wish I could do...hug Him...will I ever have that chance?

Today

Countdown...

15 days to Cambodia Mission

24 days to Pa Adang Mission

34 days to balik kampung

59 days to new school year

127 days to a change of digits


Today is the day where I am so fed up with the school....AGAIN!

I am so pissed off with the whole management of the school...

Why is it so sickening...and sucks?

Always looking at the wrong of others...and everything is so perfect about own self.

Learn to sit down and reflect and think...why is everyone so against and not supportive towards the school? Don't just keep on pointing fingers to others. Look at your pointed fingers...two is pointing to others and three is pointing to your own self.

Grow up...you are "mature" enough to know what is small matter and what is important matter... You should learn to major on the major but no, you are always majoring on the minor.

If you don't change your heart and mind, you will never grow....If the whole school system does not change, the school will never grow as well.

Learn to be more human minded and not $$ minded...I'm very sure everything will work out real fine...that includes the students as well.

Completely pissed off and stressed out.... Where oh where are you heading, school?

As for me, I need to be reminded of my priority. My purpose of being sent to this school...my purpose of being sent to Sarawak....my purpose of life.... This is so crucial., so that I am not being tempted to join into the mad race of life.

The reason of all that I do is solely for God and God alone. The sacrifice and pain and hurts...time spent...$ spent....brain used....heart used....energy used....no one knows except the ONE who were with me from the beginning of time and who brought me through this life.

I've got to constantly remind myself that even no one appreciates what we have done, God remembers each and everyone of them and He keeps record. The reward that awaits us up above is far better than the one we receive here on earth.

the waves of life...
look to Lord Jesus who will carry us through...

When I think and reflect of it all that happened today...I am grateful for each day of my life, that I am able to serve the ONE that is above ALL. Nothing is more satisfying than to know that His will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.

This song spoke so much to me...when I just have no place to turn to when it hurts...when all I long for is a shoulder to cry on but all I have is my own shoulder....when I wish I could cry it all out but all came out was tears.... Only Lord Jesus understood because He went through it all till the day He died on the cross... What I went and am going through is NOTHING compare to what He went through...

Yang Paling Mengerti - Yudi Hastono

Aku berdiam di kesunyian
Dikeheningan baitMu Bapa
Tanpa kata dan tanpa bahasa
Hanya menunggu Engkau Tuhan

Yesus Tuhanku
Kau paling mengerti
Rapuh hati ini letih jiwa ini
Jamah ya Tuhanku
Jamah ya Tuhanku
S'bab Engkaulah Tuhan
Yang paling mengerti...

My World

Countdown...

17 days to Cambodia Mission

26 days to Pa Adang Mission

36 days to balik kampung

61 days to new school year

129 days to a change of digits

I just could not imagine myself in missions...again...after such a long break from it. I am back to being nervous. I am still wondering what do I actually do there in Cambodia. I do have my responsibilities but it's so stress when you have to fully depend on God on what you need to do there. You just can't do any planning at all.

Many questions in my mind especially on Cambodia medical mission...

Will I go through the immigration safely?
Will the stuff I bring be confiscated?
Will I be able to handle the $?
Will I know when to do what I need to do?
Will I be so blur as to what should I be doing?

Well, I know in the end of the day, praying is the most I will be doing especially before I go there. Like I've said, I just need to depend fully on God and Holy Spirit. He had guided me through, and I'm sure He will do it again....and again. Hmm...TRUST & OBEY!

Pa Adang mission? I have roughly about 2 weeks and I have yet to come up with teaching ideas. HELP!!! I am still in the process of finalizing the song book. Still need to find chords for some songs.

So, with so much work to be done, what am I doing here, blogging? Haha... This is one of the places to release stress...by writing almost whatever that is in my mind, for the world to read. Who would REALLY read what I write anyway? Blogging...a waste of time? Maybe for some but NOT to me...I just love blogging as much as I love writing in my diary but diary is more personal...writing EVERYTHING in my brain and heart, only to be released when I die. x_x

Since I'm already here and not many people would love to read long blog. I'll write it...

Guess what I've found out today? I am shocked that I was actually in it once upon a time and now, sometimes it happens. I should have dealt with it long long time ago. I should have seek counsel. I should have seriously seek God and not made another mess out of the mess which was already there. I never know the consequences will last a lifetime. Why do I become what I am? Why so self protective? Why so....bla..bla..bla...

Sometimes I have no idea what is happening to myself. Why do I react what I reacted? Why do I say what I've said? Why do I do what I did? Why my mood is worse than a yo-yo? Hmm...

It's all because of what I've found out today...hmm....

But I thought I've dealt with it? Have I? Is this the work of the enemy, trying to confuse me?

But I do believe one way or another....certain things just can't be erased so easily and the consequences of the past will be there. It will take time to deal with it. But....hmmm....*thinking hard*

If one person take 8 years to fully forgive another person...how many years do you think he/she would take to forgive himself/herself?

There will come a stage where a person cried too much that he/she doesn't have any more tears. Ok, maybe a little bit. So, how to "pour" it out? Haha....energy...use up all the energy...exercise vigorously...run all you can....do whatever that will use up your energy and strength. The best of all....kick boxing. These are all to release all that is kept inside....

Surprised!!!

Why all these pictures....again??

Look at their faces...there are smiles on their faces...

Something done by human, created by God which make a person so lovely, beautiful and unique...

As I was praying for the teachers in Cambodia as they met this morning to discuss the forming of CTCF.... I was led to pray for the Cambodians and the whole land of Cambodia.

As I prayed and thought about how broken and destroyed and affected they are by all those Pol Pot Regime, especially the cries from the killing fields...suddenly, I was reminded by the smiles of Cambodians I saw in picture and in real life.

They are living in poverty...in a condition where we wouldn't want to be in...but they could still smile despite of everything they do not have....and everything they have to go through and what they had went through....

I am so ashamed....because.....could I still smile if ever I am in such a situation where things are just not right.....when heart is broken.....when poverty strikes me....when everything is only down and down??? Will I still be able to smile???

WOULD YOU?

RCISEN2009 - Part Three

My almost last post on this topic...

Topic : Refining the Concept of Quality Education.

What do we expect to come up on the other side?

Choice : Students who are able to know and received, caring or competitive?

School have to change...

Reminder : We have to value what we measure and not measure what we value!

There shouldn't be pass or fail...all children pass...
E.g. : 50% passing mark....what if the child gets 49%? Does that make him/her a failure?
What is the impact on a child being called a failure?
Think about that....

Question : What is the purpose of examination?

Question : Why do we assess and evaluate?

Policies, practices that leads to exclusion from and within education should be identified and removed.

Advice : Look to opportunities rather than problems!

Without change, we will not succeed.

We will meet obstacles but all needed are determination, hardwork and patience...

It is a process of not only system but of HEART and MIND!

Most important... TEACHERS MUST HAVE INTEREST!

We need to monitor growth in students...

Q&A : What is education? ...not to pass exam...but to develop human in life and after life....to be a good citizen with good values...

Finally.... which I agree 100%....

CHANGE EDUCATION SYSTEM!!!

RCISEN2009 - Part Two

Countdown...

21 days to Cambodia Mission

30 days to Pa Adang Mission

40 days to balik kampung

65 days to new school year

133 days to a change of digits

Mission trips are just round the corner..Oh no! I've yet to come up with my song booklet and teaching materials...err...even ideas...I have none. Ok...maybe I have rough ideas. I will need to get it done the last, next week. I've got to really really really get myself working. I don't want to do things last minute but...here I am again, delaying my work...*smile* but I know, I will get it done sooner or later. Welcome to my world...

Alright...back to RCISEN2009

Dr Levan Lim, The National Institute of Education, Nanyang Technical University, Singapore..

"We exclude because we don't understand.
We don't understand because of limited contact.
We lack contact because we exclude".

Holistic approach...nurturing the whole person & development of qualities...

"Change not only of the mind but also change of HEART!"

PM Lee Hsien Loong.... "Let us shape our future together.....give people 2nd chance... care for each other..."

Prof. Dato' Dr Zalizan Mohd Jelas, Chairman of RCISEN2009...

"Since we can't find who has the power to implement, let's look at the power within us..."

Representative from Bahagian Hal Ehwal dan Pembangunan Pelajar, Kementerian Pengajian Tinggi...

"..We don't stop. We move on, find ways and means...We prepare them to be very effective citizens without feeling the difference..."

"....beat the system...be one step ahead..."

"...adapt, modify and make them suitable for them.."

"..don't expect miracles to happen with birocracy.."

Mr. Terje Magnussonn Watterdal, UNESCO Kabul/IDP Norway...

"Remove the word "special"... all kids are normal and special and have equal values..."

"Purpose of school...school to serve the child or the child serve the school?"

"School ranking should be taken away. You need to mix around in order to live together and to understand each other. We try to squeeze the child to be the same but they are not...First and foremost, children are children....all unique and created by God...for a purpose.."

"Parents...a support, to stimulate and raise child in a proper way"

RCISEN2009 - Part One

That stands for Regional Conference on Inclusion and Special Education Needs 2009, held from 27-28th October 2009 at Hotel Equatorial Bangi.

Global Perspective : Regional Initiatives

It is one of the 1st conference I've ever attended in my whole 6 years of service as a special education teacher and it was all financially self-supported. Thanks to such a "supporting" school I have. Anyway...this is one of the best conference I've ever attended...haha...as if I've attended any other.

I've really learned a lot out of this conference which was a pity because the attendance, I consider it as very poor. Most of the participants are mainly UKM students themselves with minority of teachers. Very sad...

Let me share with you a little of what encourages me as an educator, especially as a Christian educator. I will not be sharing much about the details of inclusion and special education needs because .... you might not understand what I am writing about plus there's too much to share here in a blog where people do not have so much time to read. K.I.S.S.

Inclusive education is about reaching the goal of quality education for all and not just going to school.

Create a child-friendly education in school.

Fear ---> RESPECT

Discrimination ---> TOLERENCE

Distrust ---> OPENESS

"...He tells me that if I continue to work hard, I will do well..", said a boy from Pakistan who has to work to support his family and by the time he goes to school, he was already so tired and most of the time did not have the time to do his homework. "He" refers to his teacher who understood his student's situation and rather than scolding him, he encouraged him.
Could we be the teacher who encourage rather than criticize?

"But it is our duty as teachers to prepare children for the world the way it is, not the way we wished it was"

We must be willing to leave our comfort zone in order to achieve a quality education for all.

Now, children learn to pass exam and not to learn life, a productive life to our community.

Measure what we value and not just value what we measure.