I'm back at the end of 2011.
In one word, with all my limited vocabulary, P.R.I.V.I.L.E.G.E.
It was a privilege to be able to be at TCF Jubilee Conference 2011. My 1st TCF conference was in KT when I was in my form 6. So, this is my 1st as a teacher.
It was a privilege to be in TCF exco and I still wonder, "Who am I that I should be in this exco?", and at the end of 2011, "What have I contribute as an exco?". Nothing much but do my presence count? hehe. This is something that never was on my mind.
It was a privilege to be able to in Kampuchea, TWICE!!! Kampuchea is very close to my heart. Though at times I still feel like an alien in that land but another part of me felt so at home...so familiar. Simply so happy each time I'm back there.
It was a privilege to be able to be the proud owner of D7000! ...and I am truly my dad's daughter, when I realised that it was his hobby too once upon a time. A very expensive hobby.
It was a privilege to be able to finally step my feet in Bario and breathe the fresh and cool air. It was truly a dream come true. I'm so glad and looking forward to go there again one day.
It was a privilege to witness TCF 50th Anniversary Celebration at DUMC and to be an unofficial photographer there. So panicky but yet it was such a happy challenge. I enjoyed every moment.
It was a privilege to represent the 5th decade during the launching of the Time Capsule that will be opened on TCF 60th Anniversary. God is simply so good.
It was a privilege to share my Teaching As A Vocation during the SU National Leadership Camp, but I sucks there. Too panic and I am really a NO NO speaker.
It was a privilege to attend MCT Retreat...even though just for a while...worth it. Got to see more, hear more, learm more.
It was a privilege to be the owner of one unit in Subang Perdana Goodyear Court 8. No castle, but it's a blessing from Above.
It was a privilege to be scolded...that I might practice patience and know that each human think differently. What we think is OK might not be OK for others.
It was a privilege to be given good health because many out there are suffering from sickness...and I can't do anything to take away their misery and pain, simply to PRAY!
It was a privilege to have friends...near and far...good and bad...all for us to learn to love each other, for God is love!
It was a privilege to still have people I can call F.A.M.I.L.Y. They are always the one I take for granted, but in the end of the day, they are the one that will stay by your side when all have gone.
Frankly, I did not achieve much in my resolution but God achieved much more in me.
I am not perfect, but always made perfect by Him.
I am still thankful for my life today and I still owe it unto Him who gave me His all.
Thank You, Father for 2011.
Monday, September 26, 2011
It was a dream come true...
Finally, I'm up in Bario....though it was only for the weekend plus our flight was delayed. We only had exactly 24 hours in Bario due to the delay, but God was very good.
It has been raining daily in Miri and when the day finally arrived, we were afraid that our flight might be cancelled or we might not be able to come back on Sunday itself back to Miri.
But we got to Bario safely with a nice, cool and lovely skies, not sunny, and yet not gloomy. It was just perfect.
As we reached the arrival hall at the airport, Mr Harriss picked us up and we had a great ride back to Nancy & Harriss Homestay.
With a hungry and grumpy stomach, I waited impatiently for Aunty Nancy to get lunch ready. When food was served, "Wow!"...it was such a sumptuous meal. I had 3 servings of delicious and smooth texture Bario rice. Aunty Nancy is a great cook.
After lunch, we were off exploring Bario. I had 2 mission to accomplish: to meet up with Seluma and to get the wooden board. Only one accomplished, met up with Seluma and gave her some stuff for her Penan kids.
We walked all the way to e Bario and back to Bario Asal, took lots of photo along the way. I am so amazed with Bario. Never thought of it as a more than lovely place with more than lovely and friendly folks. It's always so good to get away from the bustling city with 1001 pollution.
We went back to our homestay at almost 6pm if I am not mistaken. Sorry, I have not been wearing watches, so I have no idea what was the time. All I know, we got back, in time to have our cold cold bath and in time for dinner.
Oh yes....I will never forget this. Y2K mini market, don't ever want to go there again. So super unfriendly among the friendly folks of Bario. We were customers and she can make such a sour face and I consider rude for their well-known gentle attitude. So, make me wonder if she is Kelabits or even the locals of Bario.
Dinner was super great too. The weather was getting colder. We had a wonderful fellowship in the living room among us. My head was throbbing but it was too good to take medicine and sleep at such an early hour in Bario. So, we ate and talked, some were busy taking photos and all.
We finally slept at I have no idea again what was the time. We slept. It was cold but I felt a little stuffy because all the windows and the door was closed. Actually, I was so tempted to sleep at the living room but eventually, I slept after popping in 2 panadol soluble.
We woke up to a beautiful misty morning. I had my cold cold cold bath and actually enjoyed it very much. The water was so cold it felt like bathing ice water. Quickly packed my stuff, took my book and my tablet, opened the door and sat at the veranda.
I realised I woke up too late to enjoy the morning alone. Everyone was awake after I was outside. Haha...so, again, it was a fellowship time.
When I went to the kitchen, I was glad and surprised to see Mr Harriss was getting ready to cook breakfast for us. Again, I saw pineapple!! Haha...every meal we will have pineapple.
Breakfast was cooked by Mr Harriss and boy, Mr Harriss is a good cook as well...surprised, surprised! It was our last meal at Bario. I had mixed feeling that morning, knowing I will be leaving Bario soon.
I did not want to leave Bario but I had to. After breakfast, both, Mr & Mrs Harriss brought us to their pineapple plantation by their Hilux. Another great journey. So lovely I have not enough vocabulary to describe them. On the way there, with the condition of the road and when I saw a man made bridge using logs, it brought me back to Pa Adang. I miss Pa Adang very much too, but sad I could not go this time.
Then, we were very quiet when we were on our way to the airport...if not them, me. I really wish I could stay a little longer in Bario. I miss Bario, I miss the homestay, I miss the food, I miss the fellowship we had among us and with Aunty Nancy. I miss the people there.
It was goodbye...but it will not be the first and the last. I will be back in Bario!!!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Happy Belated 8th Anniversary to me!
This is officially my 8th year in Miri and also in my vocation as an educator.
Although I am very sad that I could forget about some thing this important, but at least I finally remember it.
It's not about celebrating it on my own but every year, I would give God the glory and this year, I'm doing the same.
I give You, Father, all the glory for all these years that You were with me through thick and thin in this mission field and in this vocation. I will not be blinded by so many demands of other ministry and forgo this main calling of mine. I will forever hold on to this calling until it is all done and move on.
You have been faithful and Your goodness, there never seem to be an end to it.
To God be the glory!
You are the best!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Recently, I had the privilege to be on a boat. It was such a different scenario altogether. No more surrounded by land but waters and boardwalk. Away from the hectic life where everyone seem to be rushing here and there.
It was such a peace to be on the boat, with the view of the ocean...ok...near the ocean. God was really good. The skies were extra lovely on the day we were there. Thanks to our dear friend.
At times, I still wish I would be somewhere far far away from the world around me, in the middle of an ocean where nothing you see except water and more water.
At times, I wish I am surrounded by my loved ones...just like a school of dolphins following me on a sailing journey.
At times, I wish I am never alone...the stars spreading across the skies...the moon shinning bright into the starry night.
At times, I wish to be comforted...like the comfort of a "house" in the boat...so cosy, so at home...so at peace.
At times, I wish I would not be absorbed into the rat race of life...sailing gracefully through the ocean.
At times, I wish I did not make the mistake I did...the lighthouse flashing its light to show it's getting near to the land.
At times, I wish I would not be writing nonsense here like now....sailing to who knows where, just because I have all the time and fuel in the world.
Life is always great...focusing on our next destination where we would parked our boat...and enjoy all over again...the beautiful scenery of a shipyard. The skies above and beyond...waters all around...till the next journey.
Minus the STORM!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
This piece was written after I visited him for the 2nd time at HKL. It has been a year since that day...I still could not understand but that night, God gave me this...
Sweet, sweet Josiah...
Though your eyes were not fully opened,
yet it shows the love God is showering upon you.
Though your hands did not move,
yet it holds the promises of God.
Though you can't walk,
yet you walk the grace of God.
Though you are all wired up,
yet your heart beats the heart of God.
Though it has been a long time,
yet you tick the time of God.
Though we could not see you smile,
yet you smile the smile of angels.
Though you are pushed around,
yet you prove the faithfulness of God.
Though you never knew me,
yet you show me God.
Though you never know what future holds for you,
yet your fragile body prove of God's great future for each one of us.
Sweet, sweet Josiah...
I will never forget what you had taught me in your silence.
Sweet, sweet Josiah!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
The lost years
Was something I do not want to remember
But at times I am reminded of it
Tears flow through the very inner most of my heart
The lost years
I will never forget
Because it was something that changed my life
And crushed my heart to pieces
The lost years
I must not forget
It was there to help me grow
Into who I am today
The lost years
Where I tasted His grace and mercy
Though I was not worthy of it
Yet He added love into the above
The lost years
Reminded me of who I was
Broken, filthy, bruised, helpless
But a hand stretched out to this me
The lost years
Was somehow gained
Because He made me appreciate who I am today
By giving me this second chance to live
The lost years
Must not be forgotten
It was who I was before that made me who I am today
Simply by Him who never gave up on me
The lost years
Was claimed back by Him
Through the blood that He shed
On that day He died on the cross
For YOU and for ME!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Welcome to Kampuchea!
I'm really happy to be back to this land that touched my heart. Being back to Toul Sleng Genocide Museum and Killing Fields for the 3rd time never tires my soul. I was sad and could never understand why and how can they be so cruel, and I still could not even until now, but this time, every single step, every single view, strengthen my heart to do all I could for the people of this land, knowing God's favour will rest upon this land, upon every hearts.
Clicking the most pictures in my 31 years of life (about 2000) is such an experience and though it tired out my fingers, hand and shoulder, I rejoiced with every opportunity I had to be able to capture almost every precious moment on this land, the Reading Bus, the children, the life, the older generation, the scenery, food and anything that I was in time to capture.
The children's faces is what I enjoyed capturing the most. Such lovely and sweet faces even though they were actually quite covered with dust. When I see the children, how could my heart not have any feelings? The future of Cambodia lies in them and the future starts now.
One way was through the Reading Bus! I'm almost all for Reading Bus anywhere in the world especially where poverty strikes. Oh, the unspeakable joy I had when I saw the book chest being opened during the launching right in front of all the children in the village, when the Reading Bus tuk tuk was ridden in...no words could I speak but I would say, "Smile speaks a million words too". At least for me at that very moment. I'm so glad to be able to play a small part in this Reading Bus in Cambodia.
My heart sank when I saw the Diamond Bridge where stempete happened last November while we were in Cambodia on medical mission. It brought back memories where people were so happy during the afternoon when we were at the water front but the tragedy happened in the night, while we were celebrating Water Festival at the Methodist Bible School. Almost 400 people died, some missing and some injured. Memory of a mother who were waiting for her child to be found in the hospital stayed fresh in my mind. Never know what happened to her and her child. I was really silent during the Mekong River cruise that night, simply enjoying the breeze while remembering that very incident.
Shopping was always craziness for many but not me, especially this time. I bought more for others rather than me, myself and I. I think I had enough, ok...more than enough. I'm just simply happy to see them happy with all the stuff they bought.
Oh yes...before I forget. Remember Tay Naro? It was such a blessing, privilege to be able to be in his new house after the old house was burnt down. Listening to his testimony, I am so amazed by the goodness and faithfulness of God, and I'm humbled by such huge faith they have in God. Simple, down-to-earth, godly, gentle, quietly zealous...this is just few words to describe Ps. Tay Naro.
Cry no more, Killing Fields....
Cry no more, Toul Sleng prison....
The Lord, our God will bring victory upon this land. He will pour His grace and mercy...He will fill it up with love and peace....
Cry no more....
HOPE is coming...!
Kampuchea, you shall always be in my heart!
No, I will never forget you till death/Alzheimer do us part!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Living on regrets makes one sorrow.
Learning from regrets makes one grow.
So, I have been living on regrets which are making me sorrowful, BUT today, I shall write my regrets, make amendment to it, learn from it and move on, for the sake of my growth that I shall bring honour and glory unto Him.
I have been living with regrets since the day I shared during Plenary session for Young Teachers.
I realised many things as I reflected on what came out of my mouth into the ears of others.
One... I was depending fully on my own ability, my own words, my own ideas...basically...all on my own strength.
Two... I was full of ego and pride. I spoke out of my own experiences of eight years as if it was all my own doing, being so experience and being so proud of it.
Three... I was self-glorifying myself with all the works I have done.
What was the cause?
One... I was not praying as how I should.
Two... I was doing too much, without a pause.
Three... I was not in a close relationship with Him all the time.
I regretted all that I've said, and I wish I could turn back time, do it all over again, but I could not, the damaged had been done. There is no turning back, except to make amendment right here and now. I frankly can't remember much the question posted to us but whatever I remember, I will amend it here.
Everything was actually by His grace. I realised I am able to do nothing without Him. I needed Him all the time whether I realised it or not. When I thought I could do everyone on my own, that's when I fall,
Having a Father who taught along with me was the greatest joy because I know when a situation is out of my control, I will be reminded to step back, and let God take the lead. It's not an easy thing to do when we are controlled by emotions and our hands and body works faster than our mind. Prayer does make all the difference.
Second, my students, they are God's gift to me that brings me much joy in my teaching as a vocation. Despite being faced with reality of this cruel world around us, having them around and before me, allows me to see God's love before me. I am strict and I do believe in discipline, but all done in the name of love. There is time for everything, there is time to be serious and there is time to be crazy.
TCF is God's gift to me to help me stay in my vocation as His instrument in my mission field, the school called SMK St Joseph, Miri. I can't deny it that I had a difficult time since the day I came into this school. I never knew the reason God put me in this school and all I could think of is, "Any other school is better than this school. I am going far far away from this school."
I survived the 8 years in this school with much tears, prayers, pain and being angry with everyone and everything because I could not take it any longer.
I was a TCF life member when I was in Form 6 but not until 2009 or was it 2010? can't remember but anyway, did God changed me from the inside out. He revealed His purpose to me, He let me see from a different perspective, He changed my heart, He spoke to me on many things.
Problems do not disappear, but I am still able to smile through it because I know He is a God. I am reminded again and again, this is the 2nd chance of life He had given me, and I will not waste it away. Who am I to complain when I do not deserve anything, but He had given me everything.
I am not perfect. I still make mistakes and I have my flaws, but it's again, His grace that forgave me. I am still learning and I will never stop learning because I am not perfect.
Conclusion... IT WAS ALL BY HIS GRACE & MERCY! And, by His grace and mercy, shall I go through my many more years in this teaching ministry, all for Him, all about Him, less of me and more of Him.
Now, I am able to sleep and live (die) in peace, knowing I am not saying this amendment only to the limited ears of the conferees but to the borderless world.
Praise and glory be unto Him, who is ALL!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Today mark the most important day in history. Christ had won over death, the grave had been denied. He is risen from the death!
I'll be sharing about two most important thing that I've relearned today. Sermon by Bishop Hwa Yung. As I listened to him speak, I knew that all those could not be from him, it must be from the Holy Spirit. He prayed and meditate before he preach. He prepare no paper, no sermon notes with him, but simply bringing a Bible along with Him and I believe, filled by the Holy Spirit.
Everything starts with prayer, continues with prayer and ends with prayer.
Prayer is the most crucial thing in the life of a Christian. It's more important than breathing itself. You will be spiritually dead when you stop praying.
Prayer is everything and everything is prayer. One just cannot live without prayer.
Prayer is the work, ministry is the gift.
Second....IT'S ALL THE WORK OF THE HOLY SPIRIT!!
We think we can do many things, we think with enough preparation, we can do well, we think we have all the experiences life could ever give us, we think we have the qualification to do what we have do, we think we are well-trained, well-equipped....etc.
We can do nothing without the Holy Spirit and it was all the while the work of the Holy Spirit, not us!
Look at how revival start. It was not among the talented, among the rich, among the educated, among the pastors and bishops and missionaries...it was never among the ones we think revival would start.
Revival starts among the locals, among the simple people, among the uneducated, among those who had never thought God would use them as the instrument of a revival, among the poor...
"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong." 1 Corinthians 1:27
"But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you." John 16:7
"I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." John 14:12
Pray, it's all about the work of the Holy Spirit and have faith in Him!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
I always remind myself that, "Today is the day that the Lord hath made, and I will rejoice myself."
In that way, no matter what situation and circumstances that I have to face, I know that my Father is in control of everything. He holds the day of my life.
Today, is a little bit different. "Today is D day that the Lord hath made, I will surely rejoice and be glad in it!" Simply because this is the day, some years ago...hehe...not revealing my age here, that God had given me life.
Through this years, I had seen and tasted His goodness and faithfulness. Through the ups and downs, He was with me, helping me to see it through. Not just struggling through, but making sure that I passed through with excellence.
Today, as you can see me, I realised I am a product of His grace, mercy and love. To be able to live till today, I count myself so blessed to have Him in my life. If not, I don't even where I would be, frankly, I would have been dead years ago.
Today, I dedicate this day unto Him, giving Him all my glory and honour which I have received, because I know, I can do nothing without Him and He is the only one that deserves all the glory and honour and praise.
Father, thank you for this day and guide me as I journey through this life. For I desire to live a life of honour and glory unto You, because I am reminded, I owe You this very life of mine.
Happy Birthday to me!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Berjumpa lagi kita pada blogku yang sudah lamaku abaikan. Saya agak sibuk dan pada penghujung harinya, sudah berasa malas untuk menulis apa-apa di dalam blog ini.
Masa berlalu dengan begitu pantas. Tanpaku sedari, bulan tiga sudahpun hampir sampai pertengahannya. Bulan ini juga mengingat saya bahawa saya akan menjadi semakin tua...arghh...walaupun saya tidak berasa diriku tua tetapi, hakikat sebenarnya, saya memang semakin tua sama ada saya boleh menerimanya atau tidak.
Tidak ada banyak yang saya ingin tuliskan kali ini kerana jika saya berkata sepatah lagi, sudah tentu semua yang menyedihkan hatiku, yang mengecewakan...yang tidak ku sangka akan menjadi begini., tetapi saya percaya, jika saya boleh melihat semua perkara dari perspektif yang positif, sudah tentu semua perasaanku akan berubah menjadi positif, walaupun situasinya mungkin tidak akan berubah.
Kehidupan memang sentiasa penuh dengan kejutan, sesuatu yang tidak dirancang tetapi ianya terjadi. Saya ingin menjalani kehidupan yang penuh dengan kemenangan dalam Tuhan Yesus kerana itulah yang telah dilakukan oleh-Nya semasa di kayu salib, mati dan bangkit bagi memberi kemenangan kepada setiap umat-Nya...setiap anak-anak-Nya.
Hidup berdasarkan pada keimanan, dan bukan berdasarkan apa yang ditunjukkan oleh dunia ini. Hidup pasti akan lebih bermakna, berfokus.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
It hurts, yes...but it was not my fault, was it?
It hurts, yes...but there's nothing I can do to change what had happened, do I?
It hurts, yes...but people say time will heal itself, does it?
It hurts, yes...but life must go on.
It hurts, yes...but look at His grace and mercy showered down upon me.
It hurts, yes...but what is more hurting than to see my Lord Jesus on the cross...alone.
It hurts, yes...but know that God not only heals the sick but God can heal even the deepest wounds of the heart.
It hurts, yes...but He has given me love, joy and peace that overshadows all the hurts.
It hurts, yes...but others are hurting even more than me, that I should comfort them.
It hurts, yes...but I know it all happened for a purpose divine. What?
It hurts, yes...but it does not matter now.
It hurts, yes...but I prefer His comfort. =)
It hurts, yes...but it is not the ruler of my life.
It hurts, yes...and it hurts still...but when His face I see, all hurts gone!