Courage

I wish I have the courage...
...to go beyond my stepping ground
...to leave this country and move to another country.
...to leave my current job and venture into where my heart belongs. For I always feel that I belong to the nature. I belong to the rivers and the jungles.
...to go against the current education system and do something that will make a different in the lives of my students.
...to pursue my dream of becoming a preacher.
...to leave everything aside and answer my desire of becoming a missionary.
...to get out of my coconut shell and speak and talk to people around me.
...to be an encourager to those who are hurt and who had gone through what I had gone through.
...to stay alone and do what I did when I was in Miri.
...to step up and move forward according to what He had enabled me to do.
...to continue living this life positively.
...to end this life because I am to tired to live...but I know this is not an option to even think about it but I do think of it once in a while.
...to go on silent retreat that might change my life forever. Who knows?

But...for now...I do not have the courage to do the things above...maybe because...

He still wants me as a human called a teacher to be a friend, a mentor, an encourger, a missionary in school, a preacher in my classrooms, to be a good example, to be a life changer to all my students...

To make a difference in this broken and huting world....

To bring hope and love in this hopeless world and love that has different meanings.

Even so, I still wish I have the courage....

Lord, please grant me the courage to do only Your will for me and help me let go of my dreams and wills. I do not deserve this life after all that I have done, but help me never forget this 2nd chance of life You graciously gave me. Even if I can live for myself, help me live for the sake of others. In Jesus' name. Amen.