Countdown...

10 days to Transformed by the Mission

20 days to RCISEN2009

45 days to Cambodia Mission

54 days to Pa Adang Mission

64 days to balik kampung

89 days to new school year

There's not much time left for everything.
Look, it's just roughly 3 months before a new school year starts again...
Time really flies...got to fly along...
Next year shall be my 7th year...still a looooonngg way to go.
When shall I move, Lord?

Can I write a little bit about next year? Hmm... Let's see...

Next year, I'll be taking PTK TK2...haha...study study study...
Next year, shall be the year my age will change it's front digit....old old old... :P opps...older...not so old yet
Next year, shall be the year to face all the challenges in my "mission field"...all over again...may I change my mind set .... got to focus...
Next year, I shall look forward to more mission trips...yay!
Next year, shall be the year of praying real hard....what's next? move or not? MOVE!!! I hope...
Next year....hehe....the unknown...

But one thing remain the same...yesterday, today, forever Jesus is the same...
All may change but Jesus never....Glory to His name!

The call shall be louder...the answer shall be even louder... :)

Last of Every Nonsense

This shall be the last of every nonsense I've come up with.

I've deleted most of the post which I considered as nonsense in the insanity of my mind. What had happened to me, I had no idea. All I know, I need to get out of whatever it is. In that stupid brain of mine, I've hurt people. No good at all. I am sorry... I am very very sorry. Forgive me of my selfishness and insensitivity towards others.

I admitted that I am being very selfish and self-centered and brainless...other word...stupid.

Who cares about who am I? It's all just a question...a question to confuse my mind. A question to help me forget about my root...of where I came from...and of where I'll be going. A question planted in my brain by my enemy...that's me, myself and I...the worst enemy of all.

That's why I need to forgo myself of me, myself and I. The most selfish thing in the whole wide world. It robs the main focus I should be focusing...God...and....His work. There's so much to be done, so little time left.

It is not important anymore of who am I....because all I am is His. He bought me with a price, this I need to remember for the rest of my life....I cost His precious blood. Who else would do what He did for you, I and every human race?

I still want to quote this verse/chorus from "Who Am I" by Casting Crown...

Not because of who I am, but because of what You've done...
Not because of what I've done, but because of who You are...
...still You hear me when I'm calling..
...Lord, You catch me when I'm falling..
...and You've told me who I am...
....I am Yours....

If who am I is not important, so, what's important?

It's WHO IS HE?....that's important.

People need to know Him...because He is everything....He is who we belong to...and He is who we will meet at the end of the day.

So, what now?

Answer the call once again....

This shall be my 3rd time publishing the call....

You know...when a subject is repeated many times...it means it is really important...extremely important...

¹⁸ And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying,
“All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth.
¹⁹ Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations,
baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,
²⁰ teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you;
and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”
Amen.

Matthew 28:18-20

May what I've deleted be the last of my insanity...of don't know what happened...of accusation... of hurt I've cost others...

May it never return for the rest of my life...

May it crush to ashes and disappear with the wind...

May I learn a lesson and lessons from my own "unknown" issue...

This shall never happen again...I will be quick to run away from it if it ever appear....

To one...I am sorry... I am very very sorry.... I am truly sorry. Please, be what you were before all these insanities...and I'll take it...for sake of not me..you...but the human race...His people...His Kingdom.

If it shall bring glory unto Him...I'll take it...I'll go through it...I'll change...

For a reminder....to me...and whoever else....

"As for me, to live is Christ, to die is gain...As in not my will, but Yours be done".

Just An Update

sunset @ Marina Bay

The 1st coffee that makes me "high" and "red"...

so "high" I could touch the skies...
so "red" I could be mistaken as Char Siu.

Collection...of Torey Hayden

Some collections of Torey Hayden's book.
I've finally finished all the collections I owned
and still in search of 2 more titles.
Great and inspiring book.

Tiger's Child

Before everything else that I'll be writing....let me give some update...

Finally, I've finished reading Tiger's Child. The ending was not very good. Sheila seems to change so easily. Do people actually changed so easily? I doubt it but well, miracles do happen. Anyway, it was a quite happy ending....the book...not the person. I have no idea what happened to her. The wound heals but the scars remained and can never be erased so easily.

the haze is back in Miri...

I was thinking about what people normally say, "Don't live on your past. Let it go...bla bla..". What I realised is your past will actually affect your future one way or another. Let me give one example from the case of Sheila. From the age of six, she had been "serving" men for the sake of paying off her father's debts due to drugs. Till today, she can never develop a relationship with any men due to her experience with men. It is stated that she is roughly 30 something years old now and chose to remain single.

Sometimes, your experience with life will determine who you become, what you become, whether you realised it or not. It will definitely affect you whether you like it or not but well, you can choose to change, provided you are shown where went wrong.

a hazy dark sky

it is back...the heat and the haze...no rain

The Parable of the Sower

The vast land of Cambodia...
for the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few...
Pray that the Lord will use you as an instrument to bless this kingdom...
of Cambodia.

How long will Cambodia last in my heart?

Will the things of life and this world take over its' place?

Will I continue to hold Cambodia in my heart as long as I am still alive?

Will I just be holding it in my heart and do nothing?

Will I be able to meet the needs of Cambodia?

Will I be a fire that burns hotter or charcoal that soon died off?

Will I be able to trust God that when He calls, He will also equip...despite how little I have?

Where would my seeds fall?

May it not fall along the pathway that look but do not see and have no heart at all.

May it not fall among the rocky ground that shakes as soon as faced up with challenges and hardships in life.

May it not fall among thorn bushes that allows the greed, richness, power and fame to overshadow the heart for Cambodia.

BUT... May it fall among the good soil that hears the call and will answer it; and persevere till it bears good fruit.

Your death shall not be as wasteful as it seems to be...
but it shall be the start of a victorious entry into a greater Kingdom...
the Kingdom of God...

Memories Remain..

Work had started today but my mind is still very much on Cambodia and C3.

Focusing is difficult but things still needed to be done...so...just do it.

Reports and views had been written...and it had been very encouraging to hear...errr...read people's point of view.

As Sarawak is very much part of my heart...so does Cambodia and also the Philippines.

Needs are just everywhere....wherever you go....you will see...SEE...needs....


I will answer the call...as far as possible....

Let me share with you a chorus of a hymns....which I am so afraid to sing but yet when I sing, I really really mean it...with all my heart and soul....

Here I am, Lord
Is it I, Lord
I have heard You calling in the night
I will go, Lord
If You lead me
I will hold Your people in my heart.

...but when reality strikes...I lost my faith...I become afraid...

...but I know, when He calls...He shall equip...



In my mind...I can't stop visualizing the life in Cambodia...the people...the traffic....the language...the smiles....the children....the poverty....the lack of basic things in life...the transportation...the beauty...the suffering of the past....the cries from the grave....the cruelness and heartlessness of the Pol Pot regime....

I shall be back....
I shall be back....
One fine day...

"I shall hold Your people (Cambodians) in my heart..."

as much as...

"I shall hold Your people (indigenous of Sarawak) in my heart..."

and ...

"I shall hold Your people (the differently able) in my heart..."