End & Beginning

Countdown

1/2 day to Pa Adang Mission

10 days to balik kampung

35 days to new school year

103 days to a change of digits

It's the end of Cambodia mission trip but the start of Pa Adang mission trip.

It was a fantastic mission in Cambodia. I'm seeing and experiencing more of Cambodia. Before I was up North, this time I was on the South.

That's all for now. Will be updating it when I'm free.

Now, Pa Adang...here I come again...hehe...

Overcoming Life's Challenges

By Bill Crowder

This is just a sharing and quoted from the book above...

We do not learn the great lessons of life in times of ease and prosperity, comfort and joy. The greatest character-building and faith-strengthening lessons come during times of difficulty and heartache.

God doesn't waste anything-not even our heartaches and trials. As hard as they may be when we are living through them, they have a purpose in God's eternal plan, and often a major part of that purpose is to help us grow in our faith.

Life has to be lived in forward motion but can only be understood by looking back. This demands that we trust in the loving purposes of a sovereign God. we must trust that He is in control-especially when life seems to be out of control.

We want to take charge, manipulate, and control. But God wants us to trust in the love of a Father who makes no mistakes. He wants us to rely on the One who makes us "more than conquerors through Him who loved us" (Romans 8:37).

"Praise God for the hammer, the file, and the furnace. The hammer molds us, the file sharpens us, and the fire tempers us."

-Samuel Rutherford-

It's Here Again...

Countdown

1/2 day to Cambodia Mission

9 days to Pa Adang Mission

19 days to balik kampung

44 days to new school year

112 days to a change of digits

It's finally here...the day I've been waiting for and the day I've been counting.

I shall be off to the Kingdom of Cambodia...AGAIN...

But...my mind is still so much into Pa Adang mission.

I'm glad I got a day off today. I needed it so much before my brain explode.

I'm already quite tired before everything start...and I am fully trusting Him for the strength.

All the best to the whole team as we serve God and the people of Cambodia.

Your prayers are much appreciated...for Prayer Works Wonder!

"Prayer...the ultimate Weapon!"

Gift of Holidays

Countdown...

3 days to Cambodia Mission

12 days to Pa Adang Mission

22 days to balik kampung

47 days to new school year

115 days to a change of digits

There's not much time left. I know I've been saying these words since a few blog post. Well, time is so precious but procrastination seems to over rule the preciousness of it...hehe...bad... Last minute job is what I am stressed out from...dislike it...but no choice. I've started it, I need to finish it...and finish it well.

I'm happy and glad I have so many chances to go on missions. I'm always thinking that we teachers are so blessed with so many school holidays and 7 days of CRK. As much as possible, use your holidays to go on "holy days"... mission. It's a 2 in 1 stuff....oppss...no...in fact...it can be 3 in 1 stuff. To be a blessing, to be blessed and holiday!!! It's money worth investing on.

When on holiday, it's only for your own self...but when on "holy day", it's for your own self, for other people and for God!!! Hehe...

By all means, "Go and make disciples of all nations...!!" ... while we are blessed with legs to walk, hands to do, eyes to see, mouth to talk and nose to breathe.

"Mission...entrance into the realities of the world"
-all3-

Thank You!

Countdown...

6 days to Cambodia Mission

15 days to Pa Adang Mission

25 days to balik kampung

50 days to new school year

118 days to a change of digits

As the days draw near, the more tired I felt and I must not be so stressed. I need to learn to do one thing at a time and not be panic. Still lots to be done and I need to finish it the latest by Monday. I'm in no mood at all for anything else until all work is done. *sigh* I hope and pray I will not wear out by the time mission starts. I must intercede more and leave no space for the enemy to take control of my life.

One thing I've learnt today. Learn to appreciate people's effort openly and in public if possible, with sincerity of hearts, especially when we are the leader or someone at a higher level. Do not forget those who work alongside with us.

A word of appreciation that comes from the heart is worth much more than the things of this world.

A word of appreciation is like being given a good spa after a hard day work.

A word of appreciation is like sunshine that shines so bright it penetrates through the hearts.

"Thank you!" was created to change a frown into a smile.

Let us not boast about the things of this world but boast what our Lord Jesus had done for the whole human race.

Boasting is not needed because people have eyes to see the truth.

Boasting is like putting on a shoe size 7 when you actually fit into size 4.

"Your life will be what you do with it"
-Dr Esquenazi-

Simply Simple

Yo friends, aunties, uncles, brothers, sisters, mom, ibu and everyone...I've been too serious on the blog. Can I change my style just for today? Sure I can, it's my blog and you have no control over how I want to write except any "sensitive" issues that might get me into interrogation.... haha... weird people... so super perasan.

Today, I would like to blog about unimportant stuff but should be fun having some non serious stuff once in a while. Would love to share with you one thing I did which I've done for the second time...

WHAT???

DRAW for people....

My 1st drawing, I've lost the picture taken. It's a picture of a deer's head, drawn using pencil. Given to....I'll mention his name here since I don't think he reads my blog...WTH... Ok...given to Darryl as his Christmas gift in year 2003. It was drawn out of boredom in the small tiny little room in Kolej Burhanuddin Helmi, the place I stayed while in my 1st year in UKM. I really hope he treasures it as much as I treasured it....still treasuring it though only in my memory.

My 2nd drawing. I hesitate to put the picture on this blog since I've given it away but well, "Jesus say must share!"...hehe... Specially requested by Aunty YXXX SXX. The picture was my own choice. I tried drawing people for her but I can never get the main features correct, the eyes, nose and mouth. So frustrating. Two pictures terbengkalai. No explaination needed because I have the pictures here for you to see.

before

after, the complete

the flag, not solely my idea, I've got the idea partly from somewhere..

"So small...can't really see", says you. I agree with you...manalah saya tahu came out here so kecil, it was fine from my computer screen.

"So, how long did you take to finish this?", asked you. Roughly a week or more, can't really remember because excuse me, I don't spend the whole day doing it. I did it mostly close to midnight and ended after midnight, morning lah tu...so, roughly one house a day. This is not spontaneous....I am not a pro. I used pencil dulu, then came the pen...last...fill in all the details. Khmer writing is horrible. I salute them who knows how to write. It's so berbelit-belit.

The final product looks oklah...presentable. Well, like I've said, I'm not a pro. SXXXXX's picture was spontenous and what's even greater....drawn on a moving bus....haha... It was not so stressful drawing pictures in an adventerous way.

"When will you draw your 3rd", asked you again. Hmm... *thinking* Will there be the 3rd?
Kalau ada permintaan, adalah penawarannya. Plus...I need to have mood for it. Me "moody" person bah! :P

Chow for today... Flu the whole morning till afternoon... spoilt all my plans for today. *sigh*

Tomorrow....the day to do everything....no time d.... but....

"There's time for everything, time to be serious, time to be gila"

school's year end dinner:Pang, me, Drina

Pray At All Times

Countdown...

11 days to Cambodia Mission

20 days to Pa Adang Mission

30 days to balik kampung

55 days to new school year

123 days to a change of digits

Time flies again and again and again. My eyes just could not believe it. It's only 11 days left. I have only this week to settle for both mission trips. It's supposed to be a joy serving Him but instead of just having joy, I am stressed...but still able to smile and laugh...hmm...thank God. It's proven I am going nuts...haha...welcome to my world once again.

The nervous feeling plus school's problem which involved a "V.I.P" is giving me this feeling of unable to breathe, of heart beating real fast, of blood shooting up my brain, of simply exploding. I was unable to sit very still. Every moment was an uneasy moment, a very disturbed feeling. I could not take it anymore. I felt the need to release it out from me. The boxing bag would be the best thing in the world for me at that moment. Quick!!! It's bursting!!!

What did I do?

I cannot let such feelings rule over me. I cannot let anger blossom into hatred.

I was down on my knees in no time. No, I did not hit the floor...it would only hurt my hand which was what I wanted...hmm... I got into prayer!

Prayer really works wonder. I am so privileged to have a Father who listens to me all the time and who communicates with me all the time. Immediately that feeling subside but ok, I admit, not fully gone.

Why? I wonder....

It's because I have not fully cleared my heart and mind from those unnecessary worries, anxiousness and anger. Down on my knees once again....BOOM! That whole feeling was gone.

Guess what's next?

God is just so so so extremely good. He gave me ideas for my children's 3 days camp during Pa Adang mission. I am so happy because it has been weeks since I have been thinking about it. It's not easy for someone inexperienced like me. It's no joke preparing from A to Z, a roughly 4 hours a day activities. Hmm...what is impossible to man, it is possible to God. No ideas were from me, all ideas were from God.

When we commit our whole life and heart unto Him leaving no space for the enemy to dwell, God finally has all the space to work in us. Our God is an awesome God!

"How could you reject the God who expect little from you but
instead gave you SO MUCH?"

Fly Away

Countdown...

13 days to Cambodia Mission

22 days to Pa Adang Mission

32 days to balik kampung

57 days to new school year

125 days to a change of digits

Everything is getting closer and the nervous feeling is increasing too. Sadly, preparation is not increasing, still waiting for my next instruction. Anyway, it shall be done sooner or later, even if it means burning midnight oil.

Yesterday, everyone was so anxious to find out whether they will get their transfer or not. I was anxious as well even though I know I will not be getting my transfer....because....I never asked for it...lol. I was just being busybody for my friends. It's sad to see friends go and we still stay, only to make new friends. Finally, after an anxious morning where the server was down, everyone got their unofficial answers to their waiting. Some were happy to get it and some were very sad not getting it. I could feel their joy and I could feel their sadness. These are all parts and parcels of life.

I am still dreaming and thinking of the day when it shall be my turn to fill in the application form. I believed God had answered my prayers on how many more years I should remain here. Could I survive that period of time? Well, do I have any choice than to TRUST & OBEY? I wonder where's next He wants me to go....very anxious to know but hmm...this Father of mine will never tell me things, always asking me to "Wait... Be patient... I will show when the time is nearer... Just trust Me... etc... ".

hold on unto our Father's hand and never let it go

I am so priviledge to have such a close relationship with my Father. People laughed at me when I tell them, "God told me....God said... God didn't say anything yet.. etc". They just could not believe than men and God can have a really really close relationship. I have no explanation to them who laughed at me. To believe it or not, it's not my choice and definitely I can't force anyone to believe me. All I know, God spoke to me just like a Father and daughter except, ok...not in voices....but in my brain.

hands of our Father always holding us as we walk this route of life

When I 1st had that type of someone telling me stuff in my brain, I doubted it myself because well, the Satan could play tricks on me too and maybe it's just my own thinking. I doubted it no more when after a few times, what was told to me came through. So, how do I know who's "voices" is it? This is not easy...sometimes it is my own thinking, sometimes it's the enemy and sometimes it is God. That's when discernment comes in. As time goes by, by experience and building an intimate relationship with Father, you will know because you will always be in tune with Him. You will know His way of thinking and ... you experience it yourself... I have no detail explanation for it.

Our Father is such a wonderful Father if you really know Him. He's the best I had in my life. Human can fail us but He never. It's us who failed Him and yet, did He turn His face away from us? NO! He is so patient enough to layan our kerenah and always wanting the best for us, His children. How His heart longs for all His children to know Him and to come back to Him. Get to know His heart and you will never ever live one day for yourself again but YOU WILL LIVE EVERYDAY FOR HIM and you will go all the way out to reach out to as many as you can, whatever way He asked you. Your life will never be the same anymore.

"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good... before you decide to reject Him"

*There's only one thing I wish I could do...hug Him...will I ever have that chance?

Today

Countdown...

15 days to Cambodia Mission

24 days to Pa Adang Mission

34 days to balik kampung

59 days to new school year

127 days to a change of digits


Today is the day where I am so fed up with the school....AGAIN!

I am so pissed off with the whole management of the school...

Why is it so sickening...and sucks?

Always looking at the wrong of others...and everything is so perfect about own self.

Learn to sit down and reflect and think...why is everyone so against and not supportive towards the school? Don't just keep on pointing fingers to others. Look at your pointed fingers...two is pointing to others and three is pointing to your own self.

Grow up...you are "mature" enough to know what is small matter and what is important matter... You should learn to major on the major but no, you are always majoring on the minor.

If you don't change your heart and mind, you will never grow....If the whole school system does not change, the school will never grow as well.

Learn to be more human minded and not $$ minded...I'm very sure everything will work out real fine...that includes the students as well.

Completely pissed off and stressed out.... Where oh where are you heading, school?

As for me, I need to be reminded of my priority. My purpose of being sent to this school...my purpose of being sent to Sarawak....my purpose of life.... This is so crucial., so that I am not being tempted to join into the mad race of life.

The reason of all that I do is solely for God and God alone. The sacrifice and pain and hurts...time spent...$ spent....brain used....heart used....energy used....no one knows except the ONE who were with me from the beginning of time and who brought me through this life.

I've got to constantly remind myself that even no one appreciates what we have done, God remembers each and everyone of them and He keeps record. The reward that awaits us up above is far better than the one we receive here on earth.

the waves of life...
look to Lord Jesus who will carry us through...

When I think and reflect of it all that happened today...I am grateful for each day of my life, that I am able to serve the ONE that is above ALL. Nothing is more satisfying than to know that His will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.

This song spoke so much to me...when I just have no place to turn to when it hurts...when all I long for is a shoulder to cry on but all I have is my own shoulder....when I wish I could cry it all out but all came out was tears.... Only Lord Jesus understood because He went through it all till the day He died on the cross... What I went and am going through is NOTHING compare to what He went through...

Yang Paling Mengerti - Yudi Hastono

Aku berdiam di kesunyian
Dikeheningan baitMu Bapa
Tanpa kata dan tanpa bahasa
Hanya menunggu Engkau Tuhan

Yesus Tuhanku
Kau paling mengerti
Rapuh hati ini letih jiwa ini
Jamah ya Tuhanku
Jamah ya Tuhanku
S'bab Engkaulah Tuhan
Yang paling mengerti...

My World

Countdown...

17 days to Cambodia Mission

26 days to Pa Adang Mission

36 days to balik kampung

61 days to new school year

129 days to a change of digits

I just could not imagine myself in missions...again...after such a long break from it. I am back to being nervous. I am still wondering what do I actually do there in Cambodia. I do have my responsibilities but it's so stress when you have to fully depend on God on what you need to do there. You just can't do any planning at all.

Many questions in my mind especially on Cambodia medical mission...

Will I go through the immigration safely?
Will the stuff I bring be confiscated?
Will I be able to handle the $?
Will I know when to do what I need to do?
Will I be so blur as to what should I be doing?

Well, I know in the end of the day, praying is the most I will be doing especially before I go there. Like I've said, I just need to depend fully on God and Holy Spirit. He had guided me through, and I'm sure He will do it again....and again. Hmm...TRUST & OBEY!

Pa Adang mission? I have roughly about 2 weeks and I have yet to come up with teaching ideas. HELP!!! I am still in the process of finalizing the song book. Still need to find chords for some songs.

So, with so much work to be done, what am I doing here, blogging? Haha... This is one of the places to release stress...by writing almost whatever that is in my mind, for the world to read. Who would REALLY read what I write anyway? Blogging...a waste of time? Maybe for some but NOT to me...I just love blogging as much as I love writing in my diary but diary is more personal...writing EVERYTHING in my brain and heart, only to be released when I die. x_x

Since I'm already here and not many people would love to read long blog. I'll write it...

Guess what I've found out today? I am shocked that I was actually in it once upon a time and now, sometimes it happens. I should have dealt with it long long time ago. I should have seek counsel. I should have seriously seek God and not made another mess out of the mess which was already there. I never know the consequences will last a lifetime. Why do I become what I am? Why so self protective? Why so....bla..bla..bla...

Sometimes I have no idea what is happening to myself. Why do I react what I reacted? Why do I say what I've said? Why do I do what I did? Why my mood is worse than a yo-yo? Hmm...

It's all because of what I've found out today...hmm....

But I thought I've dealt with it? Have I? Is this the work of the enemy, trying to confuse me?

But I do believe one way or another....certain things just can't be erased so easily and the consequences of the past will be there. It will take time to deal with it. But....hmmm....*thinking hard*

If one person take 8 years to fully forgive another person...how many years do you think he/she would take to forgive himself/herself?

There will come a stage where a person cried too much that he/she doesn't have any more tears. Ok, maybe a little bit. So, how to "pour" it out? Haha....energy...use up all the energy...exercise vigorously...run all you can....do whatever that will use up your energy and strength. The best of all....kick boxing. These are all to release all that is kept inside....