This Holiday....The Unknown

I was so happy to be back soon for school holiday but what awaited me was something I did not expected. I started packing my things on Thursday but repack it on Friday afternoon after the unexpected event approached me.

This holiday, I had the longest flight journey....food in the plane tasted the lousiest and I could not even finished eating my food. The waiting in the airport was the hardest to go through. This holiday I will be sitting a Business class flight back home to KT but will not be enjoying it at all. This is the hardest holiday I have to go through.

But when I think back...God has His ways. Look at things...I normally don't go back home on Friday. I usually will go back home on Saturday but this time...just this time...I decided to go back on Friday. This time, my brother will be going back home somewhere during this school holiday which normally he would not. This time, I was deciding whether to bring back my guitar or not and finally on Friday, yesterday, God gave me an answer. Everything was so well prepared by God. More..this year..I'll be going for the most mission trip in my life. Why? Because of this one event. It is indeed a test for me.

I could not accept it because I will be back home in just a few days time but I have to accept it because God's way is definitely higher than mine. As I am always a believer of 'Jodoh dan ajal di tangan Tuhan', I need to accept this facts of life. Everything is in God's hand. Want it or not, it will happen sooner or later. This whole life is just about time.

I could not write much at this moment but I'll write an tribute when I am in a better situation. Now...taking all the might to control my emotion. I need to be strong despite my weakness. Life is such but as a Christian, I need to remind myself that life does not end here but indeed, it's just the beginning of a better life somewhere there.

I'm happy because I know where he goes and know that God is with him, even from the very beginning of his life. He left us here on earth but he is still alive with God somewhere out there.

I'll miss you...very much.

Happy Teachers' Day

Yesterday was officially a teachers' day but I was so pack with activities that I did not have the energy to blog.

Where was I yesterday on teachers' day? I was in my school busying with Special Education Carnival. Had been busying on this thing a week ago. No matter what, it is done and who cares about it anymore. Nothing that we, Special Education will get from the school anyway...just the use of our name for their sake. Anyway, thank God that everything is done and though the crowds were the worst of my years in this school, yet, the weather was good and was at the peak of exhaustion. I could not even walk properly and what more think properly.

Ok...back to teachers and teaching. This year, will soon be my 6th year in Miri and my vocation as a teacher. I'm glad and never regretted becoming a teacher. What more as a Special Education teacher? I'm so happy being able to teach this bunch of students with learning disabilities. Difficult to control as times but not impossible. All by the grace of God. They are just a bunch of cute "kids"...I really enjoy their presence and being with them. Tired but satisfied. They can really test your patience with their stubbornness and behaviour but well, that's my kids. Angry but yet full of joy.

Sometimes when I just look at my students, I wonder what their future will be like. What is going to happen to them after they finished school? Who is going to take care of them when both their parents are gone? Will their siblings take care of them? Are they going to pass away earlier than their parents? How could I help them live an independent life? Will people hire them to work? How can I reach out to their parents?

There just so many questions in my mind. I dreaded it when people ask me, "What will they do after they finish school?" It sounded as "What is their future?" I don't like to be frank when it comes to their future. For the slow learners, they might have a future because they look normal and act normal and they are just slower in their studies like unable to read and maybe some could not speak as perfectly as normal people but still fine. People will still hire them to work. What about those real special students? Those with down syndrome, autistic, mental retard, plus those with multiple disabilities? In the world standard, I frankly say, they have no future in the working world....maybe not even in the society because the human race are getting less caring each day but are being more self-centered and money minded...everything is about fame, wealth, power. Where does this students stand?

I have only one answer... they are all in the hands of God. God will take care of them. I do not have to worry about them. I just need to do my part, help them learn to be as independent as possible and the rest is up to their parents and God. I could only teach and give them my love and attention while they are here with me. Well, all our future is in the hands of God.

This Teachers' Day, I pay tribute to all my students...my "kids" and thank God for all my kids.

You have all taught me to have a heart, a heart for the people of the world...a heart for the human race. A heart for the rejected.

You taught me to practice faith. You yourselves might not know that there is a God but yet you live each day as if you know there is a God.

You taught me love. Love for God and love for people. God loves you so much that He is always good to all of you in many ways. You are all a bunch a lovable kids in your very own way.

You taught me patience when all of you are always taking your own sweet time in finishing your assignments. When you forgot what I taught you seconds ago. When you did not listen to my advice and got into trouble. When you are so stubborn till I needed to use reverse psychology.

You taught me to have joy as I serve God. You were still able to smile even after I scolded you though some of you will come up with a sour face but it's ok....it's all for your own good.

You taught me not to hold any grudges when you so easily forgives me even after a good scolding and a punishment.

You taught me to learn how to praise because when you were so naughty and stubborn, I only need to use positive reinforcement by praising you, you immediately do what I told you to do or stop doing what I told you not to do. Everyone likes to hear good words from another person.

Through you, God taught me to hold on even when the adults world is turning ugly and unbearable. When people were really bad to me, you were the one that God let me see and I know I needed to hold on for the sake of each and everyone of you. You are all my precious...just as you are all God's special and precious ones.

HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY TO ALL THE TEACHERS IN THE WORLD who desires to make a difference in the lives of their students and who already done that... In the end of the day, it's all for the glory of God, for the extension of the Kingdom of God.

Torey Hayden, an educational psychologist & a special education teacher. She is one of the few great inspiration of mine and a teacher who does not give up on her students. I learnt a lot from her and read almost all her books available. She's is a good living testimony in the world of Special Education for all Special Education Educators.

Happy Mother's Day 2 !

Remember mom with an "s"? Here is dedicated to my another mom, my ibu.

My ibu, published without her permission...haha...
(Picture taken from Facebook of Chen Yoke Mee)

I have known my ibu since I was in Form 1. Ok, that time she was not yet my ibu. She was just someone I know by Indy. A youth adviser, a teacher. Full stop. From the beginning, it was "love" at first sight, as if we were meant for each other..haha. I started to admire her for her courage, her speech, her laughter and her words. Her "lectures" were long and sharp. Hitting every single of my "nerve" but she was just my secret admire. I watched her and long to develope a relationship of sisterhood but things were different from what I expected. She resigned and answered God's calling into full time ministry. Off she went away to somewhere foreign to me at that time. I kept in touch with her once in a blue moon until I started helping her out in TCF after my Form 5. That was year 1998.

She started by being my mentor. A harsh one I can say...haha. I remembered the most was she gave me a pen and a paper, asked me sit down and write goals. Since when I ever have goals?? Whoa, I was struggling to write something on that blank paper before I get any "lectures" again. I met her again after my Form 6 in the year 2000 and also once in a while during my uni years. We met again before I came to Miri to work. On my 1st anniversary in Miri, she came to visit me. It was not an arranged meeting but I bet it was all arranged by God. Then, it was quietness for a few years.

She came to Miri last year on 19th July 2008. I remembered it well because it was her birthday. I do not really know how things happen but it happened. Slowly, she became my ibu and I really thank God for giving me more than what I expected. I asked for a sister and He gave me an ibu which is far greater.

Starting from that date, we started to build up that relationship again. We tried to keep in touch as much as possible. I started to get concern of her and prayed for her esepcially when she was going through the pains. I started to get connected with ibu. I wanted to pay her back for all that she has done in my life, the impact she had on my life....what can I give? I decided to give her my love, my attention, and as long as I am able, I will take care of her, just like how I will be taking care of my parents. She might have other daughters and sons...that is her blessings but all I know is I have an ibu who love and care and whom I love and care too.

My ibu is a person full of determination. She works her way out and gets her things done perfectly. Nothing can stop her from doing what she is doing for even when in pain, she still gets her things done. That's why you can see that she organises conferences and seminars very well with the help of many supporting people around her.

She is a woman of diligence. She works very hard. Like above, she makes sure she gets it done. Not simply done but properly done. I guess she will work day and night into getting things done. Don't over work, ibu but well, if she needed to, I trust God will give her all the strengths she needs.

My ibu gives good advises. Whatever that she says, will make you really reflect and think deeply into it. You might not agree with her in the beginning but if you really ponder about it, you will sooner or later agree with her one way or another. In the end of the day, yeah, what she said is true. My ibu will definately sound harsh as times but hey, that's my ibu. That's what makes her, her.

I have more to say but I'll have to think them in words to describe. I'll just sum it up. Ibu is a great gift of God to me and to everyone who knows her. Ibu might be a little harsh sometimes but deep inside, she is a sweet, loving and caring lady. I really hope I could be someone who will bring joy into her life. I love you, ibu! And thank you very much!

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day!

I had been quiet from the blogs was because I am not in the mood of writing plus I had nothing to blog about. Since today is Mother's Day, I wish to blog about my moms. Yes, mom with an "s".


My mom was a working lady. I remembered her as someone who worked day and night, 7 days a week. She started her career as a clerk/typist and soon, she got promoted to being a secretary of a sawmill company with various international and local bosses. Her last I remembered was a Japanese. Japanese makes you work like hell but treats you well. Mom usually will bring back lots of goodies from Japan from her office. Being in a small town, Japanese stuff is not common and hey, it's not cheap stuff ok...everything were imported from either KL or Japan.

When I was in my primary school, we used to send her to her waiting point near my dad's office before sending me and my brother to school. I can't remember how she actually came back but when I was in my secondary school, her company van will come and pick her from our house. Sometimes, when she is working late, we will go all the way up to her office which is about 16km from our house. I used to love going into her office. Since there were no one at that hour, I used to explore the whole office...admiring everything in there and taking a peep at workers working in the factory. It operates 24 hours. First thing, check my mom's drawer and sees what she has. She normally will keep lots of goodies in her drawer. Then, we will either go out to have our dinner together or we will go home and take our dinner there.

I hardly spent time with my mother because she was always working, even on weekends. My late grandmother took care of us. We only spent time together when we are on holidays which were mostly quite short because my mom could not take a long leave but I am glad my mother worked because a working mother normally do not nag...haha...but my late grandmother nagged some of the time. My mom hardly knows anything about me especially concerning school stuff. I always remember her as a busy working mother. She goes to work after I go to school and comes back late in the night. We normally will wait for her to come back every night to have dinner together with her because if not, I will hardly see her face. So, most of the time, dinner was around 9pm to 10pm.

When my late grandmother was sick, my mother worked double triple hard. She will wake up early in the morning to cook lunch cum dinner before she rushed to work. When she comes back at night, she will have to attend to my late grandmother. She washes the clothes too since we do not own a washing machine until to this day. Everything is hand machine. I thank God that my dad had retired at that time and helped to take care of my late grandmother. That helped ease my mom's burden a little.

My mom became my "mom" after she stopped work. At that time, I was in Form 6. That was the time my mom prepares breakfast for me but then, I was used to only drinking a cup of Milo before I go to school. Anything more than that will make my tummy upset. I remembered the most was during my STPM, my mom will cook lunch when I came back for a few hours before I go back for my examination. During my SPM, my mom was busy but during my STPM, my mom was there. I really appreciate that. Since my mom was at home, I started to get to know my mom and vice versa. As the time past, I started to see the quality and character in my mom which I admire a lot. We are now good friends and she is a great mother and I would say, a loving and good wife too.

My mom is a lady with many words. She knows how to talk....with anyone and anytime. I admire her boldness in sharing her life testimony on how she became a Christian and what difference it has made in her life. This I consider as a gift from God. She is good at sharing the good news with people around her which I am the opposite. Her faith is so simple. Oh ya, my mom only became Christian right after she stopped working.

My mom is a lady with lots of patience. She does not "explode" easily and so far, had not seen her in an "exploding" mode. She is indeed very patience with my dad which is opposite of my mom. When I was angry with her, she never keeps it in her heart and later will try to talk with me about things.

I really appreciate and really thank God for giving me a mom like her. She is really supportive even when I said I wanted to come to Sarawak to work, she allowed me to go. I know her heart was reluctant to let me go but she trusted me. Nothing can ever take her away from my heart. My mom is getting older each now....duh...everyone is...no one gets younger each day but when you see her, she looks younger than her age. She used to be my "sister". As she gets older, I learnt to love her more, I learnt to be very thankful that I have a mom and she is still here today. Mom is always worrying about my future but mom, you don't have to worry about anything because my future is in God's hand and God is my perfect Father. He will take care of me.

I love you, mummy!

Happy Mother's Day !