Unjokingly Old

Happy Belated 8th Anniversary to me!

This is officially my 8th year in Miri and also in my vocation as an educator.

Although I am very sad that I could forget about some thing this important, but at least I finally remember it.

It's not about celebrating it on my own but every year, I would give God the glory and this year, I'm doing the same.

I give You, Father, all the glory for all these years that You were with me through thick and thin in this mission field and in this vocation. I will not be blinded by so many demands of other ministry and forgo this main calling of mine. I will forever hold on to this calling until it is all done and move on.

You have been faithful and Your goodness, there never seem to be an end to it.

To God be the glory!

You are the best!

Life of a Boat

Recently, I had the privilege to be on a boat. It was such a different scenario altogether. No more surrounded by land but waters and boardwalk. Away from the hectic life where everyone seem to be rushing here and there.

It was such a peace to be on the boat, with the view of the ocean...ok...near the ocean. God was really good. The skies were extra lovely on the day we were there. Thanks to our dear friend.

At times, I still wish I would be somewhere far far away from the world around me, in the middle of an ocean where nothing you see except water and more water.

At times, I wish I am surrounded by my loved ones...just like a school of dolphins following me on a sailing journey.

At times, I wish I am never alone...the stars spreading across the skies...the moon shinning bright into the starry night.

At times, I wish to be comforted...like the comfort of a "house" in the boat...so cosy, so at home...so at peace.

At times, I wish I would not be absorbed into the rat race of life...sailing gracefully through the ocean.

At times, I wish I did not make the mistake I did...the lighthouse flashing its light to show it's getting near to the land.

At times, I wish I would not be writing nonsense here like now....sailing to who knows where, just because I have all the time and fuel in the world.

Life is always great...focusing on our next destination where we would parked our boat...and enjoy all over again...the beautiful scenery of a shipyard. The skies above and beyond...waters all around...till the next journey.

Minus the STORM!

Sweet, Sweet Josiah!

This piece was written after I visited him for the 2nd time at HKL. It has been a year since that day...I still could not understand but that night, God gave me this...

Sweet, sweet Josiah...

Though your eyes were not fully opened,

yet it shows the love God is showering upon you.

Though your hands did not move,

yet it holds the promises of God.

Though you can't walk,

yet you walk the grace of God.

Though you are all wired up,

yet your heart beats the heart of God.

Though it has been a long time,

yet you tick the time of God.

Though we could not see you smile,

yet you smile the smile of angels.

Though you are pushed around,

yet you prove the faithfulness of God.

Though you never knew me,

yet you show me God.

Though you never know what future holds for you,

yet your fragile body prove of God's great future for each one of us.

Sweet, sweet Josiah...

I will never forget what you had taught me in your silence.

Sweet, sweet Josiah!

Lost Gained

The lost years

Was something I do not want to remember

But at times I am reminded of it

Tears flow through the very inner most of my heart

The lost years

I will never forget

Because it was something that changed my life

And crushed my heart to pieces

The lost years

I must not forget

It was there to help me grow

Into who I am today

The lost years

Where I tasted His grace and mercy

Though I was not worthy of it

Yet He added love into the above

The lost years

Reminded me of who I was

Broken, filthy, bruised, helpless

But a hand stretched out to this me

The lost years

Was somehow gained

Because He made me appreciate who I am today

By giving me this second chance to live

The lost years

Must not be forgotten

It was who I was before that made me who I am today

Simply by Him who never gave up on me

The lost years

Was claimed back by Him

Through the blood that He shed

On that day He died on the cross

For YOU and for ME!

Sva Kom Mok Kampuchea!

Welcome to Kampuchea!

I'm really happy to be back to this land that touched my heart. Being back to Toul Sleng Genocide Museum and Killing Fields for the 3rd time never tires my soul. I was sad and could never understand why and how can they be so cruel, and I still could not even until now, but this time, every single step, every single view, strengthen my heart to do all I could for the people of this land, knowing God's favour will rest upon this land, upon every hearts.

Clicking the most pictures in my 31 years of life (about 2000) is such an experience and though it tired out my fingers, hand and shoulder, I rejoiced with every opportunity I had to be able to capture almost every precious moment on this land, the Reading Bus, the children, the life, the older generation, the scenery, food and anything that I was in time to capture.

The children's faces is what I enjoyed capturing the most. Such lovely and sweet faces even though they were actually quite covered with dust. When I see the children, how could my heart not have any feelings? The future of Cambodia lies in them and the future starts now.

One way was through the Reading Bus! I'm almost all for Reading Bus anywhere in the world especially where poverty strikes. Oh, the unspeakable joy I had when I saw the book chest being opened during the launching right in front of all the children in the village, when the Reading Bus tuk tuk was ridden in...no words could I speak but I would say, "Smile speaks a million words too". At least for me at that very moment. I'm so glad to be able to play a small part in this Reading Bus in Cambodia.

My heart sank when I saw the Diamond Bridge where stempete happened last November while we were in Cambodia on medical mission. It brought back memories where people were so happy during the afternoon when we were at the water front but the tragedy happened in the night, while we were celebrating Water Festival at the Methodist Bible School. Almost 400 people died, some missing and some injured. Memory of a mother who were waiting for her child to be found in the hospital stayed fresh in my mind. Never know what happened to her and her child. I was really silent during the Mekong River cruise that night, simply enjoying the breeze while remembering that very incident.

Shopping was always craziness for many but not me, especially this time. I bought more for others rather than me, myself and I. I think I had enough, ok...more than enough. I'm just simply happy to see them happy with all the stuff they bought.

Oh yes...before I forget. Remember Tay Naro? It was such a blessing, privilege to be able to be in his new house after the old house was burnt down. Listening to his testimony, I am so amazed by the goodness and faithfulness of God, and I'm humbled by such huge faith they have in God. Simple, down-to-earth, godly, gentle, quietly zealous...this is just few words to describe Ps. Tay Naro.

Cry no more, Killing Fields....

Cry no more, Toul Sleng prison....

The Lord, our God will bring victory upon this land. He will pour His grace and mercy...He will fill it up with love and peace....

Cry no more....

HOPE is coming...!

Kampuchea, you shall always be in my heart!

No, I will never forget you till death/Alzheimer do us part!

Grace & Mercy

Living on regrets makes one sorrow.

Learning from regrets makes one grow.

So, I have been living on regrets which are making me sorrowful, BUT today, I shall write my regrets, make amendment to it, learn from it and move on, for the sake of my growth that I shall bring honour and glory unto Him.

I have been living with regrets since the day I shared during Plenary session for Young Teachers.

What happened?

I realised many things as I reflected on what came out of my mouth into the ears of others.

One... I was depending fully on my own ability, my own words, my own ideas...basically...all on my own strength.

Two... I was full of ego and pride. I spoke out of my own experiences of eight years as if it was all my own doing, being so experience and being so proud of it.

Three... I was self-glorifying myself with all the works I have done.

What was the cause?

One... I was not praying as how I should.

Two... I was doing too much, without a pause.

Three... I was not in a close relationship with Him all the time.

I regretted all that I've said, and I wish I could turn back time, do it all over again, but I could not, the damaged had been done. There is no turning back, except to make amendment right here and now. I frankly can't remember much the question posted to us but whatever I remember, I will amend it here.

Everything was actually by His grace. I realised I am able to do nothing without Him. I needed Him all the time whether I realised it or not. When I thought I could do everyone on my own, that's when I fall,

Having a Father who taught along with me was the greatest joy because I know when a situation is out of my control, I will be reminded to step back, and let God take the lead. It's not an easy thing to do when we are controlled by emotions and our hands and body works faster than our mind. Prayer does make all the difference.

Second, my students, they are God's gift to me that brings me much joy in my teaching as a vocation. Despite being faced with reality of this cruel world around us, having them around and before me, allows me to see God's love before me. I am strict and I do believe in discipline, but all done in the name of love. There is time for everything, there is time to be serious and there is time to be crazy.

TCF is God's gift to me to help me stay in my vocation as His instrument in my mission field, the school called SMK St Joseph, Miri. I can't deny it that I had a difficult time since the day I came into this school. I never knew the reason God put me in this school and all I could think of is, "Any other school is better than this school. I am going far far away from this school."

I survived the 8 years in this school with much tears, prayers, pain and being angry with everyone and everything because I could not take it any longer.

I was a TCF life member when I was in Form 6 but not until 2009 or was it 2010? can't remember but anyway, did God changed me from the inside out. He revealed His purpose to me, He let me see from a different perspective, He changed my heart, He spoke to me on many things.

Problems do not disappear, but I am still able to smile through it because I know He is a God. I am reminded again and again, this is the 2nd chance of life He had given me, and I will not waste it away. Who am I to complain when I do not deserve anything, but He had given me everything.

I am not perfect. I still make mistakes and I have my flaws, but it's again, His grace that forgave me. I am still learning and I will never stop learning because I am not perfect.

Conclusion... IT WAS ALL BY HIS GRACE & MERCY! And, by His grace and mercy, shall I go through my many more years in this teaching ministry, all for Him, all about Him, less of me and more of Him.

Amen!

Now, I am able to sleep and live (die) in peace, knowing I am not saying this amendment only to the limited ears of the conferees but to the borderless world.

Praise and glory be unto Him, who is ALL!

Amen!

Not Me but YOU!

Today mark the most important day in history. Christ had won over death, the grave had been denied. He is risen from the death!

I'll be sharing about two most important thing that I've relearned today. Sermon by Bishop Hwa Yung. As I listened to him speak, I knew that all those could not be from him, it must be from the Holy Spirit. He prayed and meditate before he preach. He prepare no paper, no sermon notes with him, but simply bringing a Bible along with Him and I believe, filled by the Holy Spirit.

First....PRAY!!

Everything starts with prayer, continues with prayer and ends with prayer.

Prayer is the most crucial thing in the life of a Christian. It's more important than breathing itself. You will be spiritually dead when you stop praying.

Prayer is everything and everything is prayer. One just cannot live without prayer.

Prayer is the work, ministry is the gift.

Second....IT'S ALL THE WORK OF THE HOLY SPIRIT!!

We think we can do many things, we think with enough preparation, we can do well, we think we have all the experiences life could ever give us, we think we have the qualification to do what we have do, we think we are well-trained, well-equipped....etc.

BUT....

NO!

We can do nothing without the Holy Spirit and it was all the while the work of the Holy Spirit, not us!

Look at how revival start. It was not among the talented, among the rich, among the educated, among the pastors and bishops and missionaries...it was never among the ones we think revival would start.

Revival starts among the locals, among the simple people, among the uneducated, among those who had never thought God would use them as the instrument of a revival, among the poor...

"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong." 1 Corinthians 1:27

"But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you." John 16:7

Finally,

"I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." John 14:12

Pray, it's all about the work of the Holy Spirit and have faith in Him!